Things every woman should know about men.

We love to flirt with danger; that's why we play with fire, skydive, and bungee jump. There is no way that bungee jumping was invented by a woman because only a man would stand on a cliff and think. "I bet I could jump off of this with a giant rubber band and live" Or perhaps it was a dare, "Dude, I dare you to jump off that cliff with this rope." Once planes were invented only a man could have thought "Hmm now that I can fly I wonder if I can jump out and live" Then women gave us a parachute after watching a few terribly failed attempts.
No matter how old we are we still flirt with danger. Old men behind the wheel are still flirting with danger every time they drive 30mph on the freeway or change lanes without bothering to look. Why do they do this? Because their reflexes are dulled as they get older, or because they become forgetful? No it's because men like to always keep things dangerous. If there isn't a constant danger of sudden death then it just isn't fun.

We love to eat with our hands. If you were to poll men on their favorite foods some of the top ones would be: pizza, hamburgers, hot dogs, ice cream, candy bars, and so forth. You'll notice all of those foods can be eaten without the use of any silverware. Part of the reason why we love these foods is because that means there are less dishes afterwards. Any food that you can eat entirely without the use of a dish or fork is a good food in our book. The only exception to that rule would be using a knife. In a man's kitchen the only tool would be several different sized knives. The different sizes being used depend on just how big the steak you are cooking is. Even though we like having dishes or silverware, the mores mess you can make on your hands the better. Mess on hands = good, mess on dishes = bad. As I am writing this a giant chili hot dog with extra cheese would hit the spot right now.




Another thing about men that never changes is our quest for more speed. As a baby, crawling is the gateway to running around at break neck speed. It's all about getting from point A to point B as fast as possible. As soon as you can run, the next step is to run faster. And what better way to do this than to get the sweet shoes that have air pumps on them. It was scientifically proven in the 90's that if you pump up your shoes with air it makes kids run faster. That's why Olympic athletes take so long to warm up -- they have to get their shoes at the exactly right pressure.
The next step up from your Air Jordans is a bike. The more speeds that your bike has and the bigger the shocks on it the cooler you are. As a boy this is the first time you get to "pimp your ride". I'm not talking about the streamers on the handlebars that your sister had. I'm talking about chrome foot pedals, a bell on the handle bar to increase speed, foot pegs to do crazy tricks, etc.
From there it's a little wait until you get a car. And then you spend your days drooling at a Ferrari thinking "Oh what I would do with that much horsepower". Decking out your car can now go to extreme limits. I know because I was guilty of it just like any man. Two 12in sub woofers, a giant amp, a sweet fold down CD deck, and of course replace the door speakers to handle all that power. There are car shows where we give awards to people who can customize their car the most. To customize your car and make it do 1/4 mile in under 10 seconds is the ultimate goal of men all over the world.

We have always been obsessed with speed. You don't see any world records for who can go the slowest on the salt flats. That's why we go to drag races. Watching engines fueled by alcohol with 4 wheels attached and a human being strapped to the top going over 300mph down the track. Who doesn't wanna see that. This quest for speed also has to do with our need for danger because part of going to races is wanting to see the crashes. If you go to a car race and not a single car crashes then you just wasted your money.



Men love to blow things up. Sometimes we create things just to blow them up. I think we are the only creature on earth that would spend hundreds of dollars making "fake" buildings and buying cars and explosives and then film the result when you combine them all together. Not only that but the same kind of creatures who filmed all this will pay money to see it all blow up over and over again. This desire to blow things up begins at a young age where we are just attracted to anything that is shiny. Then in scouts finding out what happens when you put everything in your pack in the fire is also a learning experience. That then makes you want to find out what everything else looks like when it gets thrown in the fire. Then your mom gets mad at you for burning your good pair of shoes. The years go on and we continue to experiment with fire until that most blessed of all holidays comes around. The 4th of July. The day where you are supposed to blow stuff up. At first the joy of just lighting and watching the fireworks is enough but then the man's mind begins to wander. "What if I put those firecrackers inside a soda can?" "What if I tape 15 of those bottle rockets together?" Those are questions that must be answered. Those are the questions that lead to this.



Men are actually very simple creatures. Just give us some finger food, a James Bond movie, and if it's possible to be eating and watching the movie while doing 450mph in a drag racer then we are in 7th heaven.